i have my body softly

it is winter again. it is always winter again. i forget i do not need to tense in the cold; i can relax into the shedding. i can go into that tender cave that is my heart and watch my selves strip their stories from their backs, laughing as they toss them to the bedroom floor. i can be curious about their nakedness. i can be gentle with the body. i can be quiet in the rain, when the clouds come to anoint us with their work in the cycle: returning water to another home.

it can all be done so casually, as if i have had lifetimes of practice. i have had lifetimes of practice: losing self, weaving self back. losing can be done with grace, and then it becomes a blessing.

we are always changed in the process. this is what they mean about the journey. winter takes from you everything you are so that you may actually have your spring. by the time you reach the destination, you actually know how to have it. maybe i'll realize i was seeking something different than i thought i was. maybe i'll realize something different now seeks me.

i don't know. these are spring wonderings. for now, i can be in harmony with winter. i am shedding. i am stripping. i am reflecting. i am gathering what i can inside my pockets. i am taking stock.

my winter:

I.
somewhere, truth and silence are each other. both are empty; both are full. both are vaporous; both are sturdy. be quiet, then be honest. be honest, then be quiet.

II.
poetry is a way of being and a way of being experienced. write poetry. be poetry. experience others as poems.

III.
healing requires the scientific method; the right strategy is the one that works. it is not fixed and often not quick. stay willing. stay fluid. hold out for the right medicine. (thank you, Clarissa Pinkola Estés)

IV.
community exists on conditionality. love does not. discard narratives that do not allow you to love yourself or others as they are. then, appoint gracefully: chosen family, chosen wisely.

V.
you enjoy the experience of privacy, of choosing when to allow access. privacy is pleasurable. privacy is protective. keep what's private private.

VI.
shame breeds binaries; binaries breed shame. do not fall into the trap. find the part of yourself that exists beyond them and set up camp. learn that terrain, then greet your mountains from there.

VII.
you are always seeking. navigate towards homes that put your heart at rest.

VIII.
the expectation of healing is an unsuccessful (and unfair) strategy. healing is not owed. underneath that rigidity is often pain. use your expectations to remind yourself of what is important to you.

IX.
stay aware of what you move through the world seeking evidence of. seek evidence that you are wanted, enjoyed, and loved. (thank you, Brené Brown)

X.
choose which narratives you believe about yourself and others, and know the source from which those narratives come. discard and disregard narratives sourced from blame, shame, hate, insecurity, or fear. they do not have to be yours.

XI.
understand yourself. believe yourself. validate yourself. enjoy yourself. give yourself home, love, acceptance, trust, kindness, romance (etc.) so that you can recognize when you are experiencing it in relationship. you do not need to be understood by others and what an incredible experience when you are.

XII.
stay relaxed. stay gentle. open towards the center. conjure pleasure daily: healing is the work of clearing toxins from the river; make river maintenance a pleasurable experience.

XIII.
work is alchemy. it shifts energy. be in habitual study. be in consistent work.

XIV.
you are what you practice. stay aware of what you're practicing. stay in harmony with your lessons. (thank you, Prentis Hemphill)